Dr Lucy Davey
Who Am I?
Over the last 12+ years since qualifying as a UK based medical doctor, I have trained in psychiatry, become an elected local government official, coach and confidante as well as farmer’s wife and a mother of two small children.
My priorities changed a few years ago when my mother was given a cancer diagnosis and I wanted to prioritise having children. Although adoring my children, I felt I had sacrificed my career. With considerable effort and self-reflection, I realised I needed to be true to myself, set clear boundaries for what I wanted in life and commit to not compromising.
I believe my professional training as a Doctor in medicine and psychiatry has optimised my skill set as a coach, as has my life experience. I work with women finding it difficult to adjust to the role of motherhood while pursuing their careers. I help them to regain equilibrium in their work and relationships while enjoying the upbringing of their children. Everything has worked out for me and through our work together, I am confident it can for you too.
About My Program
Who It Is For?
Executive and professional women finding it difficult to adjust to the role of motherhood whilst pursuing their career goals. Dr. Lucy Davey works with them to regain equilibrium in their lives, find a way to balance their career goals while enjoying the upbringing of their children and creating a life of fulfilment in work, relationships and parenthood.
Who It Is Not For?
- If you are not yet ready to explore the way you are feeling.
- If you are resigned to stay stuck in the blame game occurring within your daily thoughts.
- If your main requirement is legal, career or financial advice rather than personal coaching.
- Clarify how you are feeling and why.
- Develop an action plan to move forward.
Many women struggle with guilt at not enjoying parenthood as they expected. They love their children, but find that life was so much easier before children and that being a mother has meant sacrifices in almost every aspect of their lives. Each woman has a different story, but the common theme is a sense that life as currently lived is unrecognisable. We begin by creating a safe place where you can voice these frustrations without erupting in front of your children or burdening family and friends.
Because I understand what you are going through, I will not judge you. Instead, I’ll help you tease out the practical and subconscious challenges you face, so we can identify your core pain points and sketch out a path that helps you overcome the challenges this introductory module has brought to the surface.
Identification of Challenges
- Validate how tough being a mum really is.
- Identify any problem behaviours and mindsets that are holding you back.
- Explore ideas for connecting with your children (if you feel this relationship has been partially lost) in a fun, creative way.
- Surround yourself with positive and realistic role models who are aligned with you and your future.
Nothing or no one could ever prepare you for how physically and emotionally demanding becoming a mother really is. It is the hardest job you can have, requiring an overwhelming commitment and including more than its share of thankless tasks. Many mothers persevere to the detriment of their health and wellbeing. Postnatal depression is relatively common nowadays and often picked up too late. As a mother myself, I appreciate the mixture of feelings and emotions it brings to the surface and which can linger if not dealt with. By exploring the possible problematic behaviours and negative thought patterns you feel, many of which might be reinforced when comparing yourself to others, we will shape practical ways for you to eliminate self doubt, giving you the boost in self confidence you desperately need. Those daily motherhood struggles you have been encountering suddenly feel that much more manageable, allowing you to focus on what truly matters: enjoying your children.
Outside Interference From Others
- Identify external pressures from others.
- Develop strategies to minimise knock-on effects to your parenting.
- Experience and boost self morale.
- Explore alternatives for obtaining help from others.
Many mothers go into parenthood assuming they will have lots of help and understanding from extended family and friends. Failure to meet this expectation can result in deflation and demoralisation, especially when comparing themselves to others. Common traumas include unwanted guests turning up on the doorstep, family pressure even over the baby’s name, not to mention the old fashioned comments made about how to bring up a child, what you are doing wrong and how others in the family and community are doing it better. When the ‘help’ mothers were expecting continues not to appear, it can lead to friction in a couple’s relationship, especially when juggling careers and childcare.
You learn techniques that combat these unwanted comments made by interfering others, show you how to set the necessary boundaries and most importantly prevent you from comparing yourself to others.
The Home Hub
- Establish your domestic hurdles.
- Find solutions to your individual housework hassles.
“Dust if you must” but otherwise get in help! All mothers complain that they can’t get anything done in the house and that no matter how hard they try, they simply can’t keep on top of household tasks. It can be crushing when unannounced visitors turn up and they see the state of the house and you feel judged. Why do women set themselves up to fail?
We explore creative ways, tested by others, to accommodate your individual household task needs. We also work out a way for you to have a room or area free of child debris, where you can retreat when desperate for orderliness in a chaotic environment.
Rebuilding in the Relationship
- Manage individual expectations.
- Restore relationship.
Most parents feel huge amounts of pressure after having children. Arguments are common and this will often move to resentment towards your partner if not addressed early on. It is increasingly hard as a professional woman, who is doing the bulk of the parenting, to feel you are missing out on career options since becoming a parent. If you had hoped your partner would want to share more of the childcare, the disappointment and frustration is heightened. The majority of women also say their husbands’ expectations of them were totally unrealistic since having children. Most women are exhausted at the end of the day and physical intimacy is the last thing on their mind. This gap of expectations in a couple’s relationship can become unhealthy if not addressed.
Through visiting common scenarios between couples since becoming parents, we focus on your own experiences and teach you tried and tested techniques of tactical empathy and negotiation to restore an emotional (and when you are ready, physical) connection with your partner again.
Work-it the Way You Want
- Explore alternative (or modify existing) career options to suit your needs.
- Empower you to make the necessary changes.
Wondering why we have left this module almost last? Well, we believe only when you have addressed all the other core areas in your parenting life can you actually focus on firming up your career. For some, this may mean having the confidence to approach your boss about wanting to work less to spend more time with your children. For others it may mean just needing the focus (and the childcare) to be able to continue work without feeling the accompanying guilt of wanting to do so.
We explore the secrets of how other professional women with children have been able to retain some of their professional life without compromising their care for their children. Together we propose a bespoke plan for you, so you can play by your own rules at work and not feel powerless.
The Future of Fulfilment
- Measuring change in your transformation.
- Creating a path for the future.
Congratulations are in order! The previous modules covered the main bases needed to hold your own in the world of motherhood, laying the groundwork so that you can take control of the levers needed to adjust your own experience as a mother and make the role a truly positive one. Now we progress to the all-important final stage of visualising the possible narratives of the new life you can create. This module provides a capstone to all we have covered so far. It will spur you to recognise the power of the transformational process we have completed, and it will help ensure that the emotional journey we have been on together has long-lasting results, so that the self doubt and self sabotage once pre-occupying your thoughts and ruling your behaviour is replaced with abiding fulfilment, equilibrium and gratitude.